6 Fast Ways: Increase Your Confidence

If you consider yourself shy or introverted you might say "I don't wanna be someone I'm not."

How can you not be yourself?

I don't get this. We humans are dynamic, we're always changing and growing. We aren't static. To me, that phrase is just an excuse you make so you can't try anything new.

Fake it 'til you make it!

You weren't born being able to talk, you learned it. You can learn confidence and when you experience it you will realise why it's stupid to go around in the world being shy.

Here's some ways to increase your self-confidence:


1. Music!

Music is released everyday, it never stops. Blast out your favourite music on your iPod and sing along to it. It gets you in a confident state. If you don't have an MP3 player get one, shove all your favourite music on it. Listen when you're getting ready to go out. This is a huge state pumper. Get variety, spice it up 'cause if you're listening to same thing over and over you'll become bored of it.


2. Your body

Mind and body are connected. The two influence each other. Use this to your advantage. Start by being aware of your breath. Breathe deep from the stomache (health benefits also). Take up space, hands out of pockets, don't fidget, use much slower movements. Smile. Not a fake smile. Think of something that makes you laugh or just happy and smile. The smile comes from the eyes, the mouth follows. Fake smiles start from the mouth. It's subtle but we sense it. Find someone famous who is confident and watch how they behave.


3. Inner/Outer Dialogue

When you look at yourself in the mirror, you have to accept and love yourself - NO MATTER WHAT. You're looking in the mirror... Tell yourself "I AM THE BOMB!", "KNOCK 'EM DEAD BABY!", whatever works for you. You don't need a logical reason to be confident. You just are. When you're talking among others, project your voice and use emotion. Be enthusiastic. You've got to be aware if you are being uncertain or talking to yourself negatively. Stop. Breathe. Imagine a sheet of blank white paper. This interrupts your state and you can start focusing on how cool you really are again. It's easy to lose track but once your on, you're confident and unaware of it because you don't need to be aware of it anymore.


4. Physical activity

Gym, football, dancing, swimming, whatever. Just moving around makes you feel more confident. I know I feel great after coming home from the gym, I'm a lot more creative like when writing articles and even talking to others. It's like a confident flow-state and everything goes well and it's all natural.


5. Treat yourself

Get some really good looking comfortable clothes, a haircut, a massage or even a shower (hah, just kidding). This gets rid of the old subconscious anchors you might have to yourself. An anchor is a feeling inside yourself that's triggered by something that happened in the past. Like an old favourite song you haven't heard in years brings certain feelings back.


6. Imagination

Imagine yourself being confident. How do you walk, talk and act? Remember a time when you were feeling euphoric. What did you see, feel, hear, smell, touch... Identify with it as much as you can. Remember a time when you were successful or achieved something. Passed your driving? Aced a test? Learned how to ride a bike? Gave a public speech? Whatever!

Leave some comments!

Thanks for reading and don’t forget to subscribe.

Kris Hughes

http://www.mindtreasure.blogspot.com

7 Reasons You Should Talk To Strangers

I wrote a very popular article which got a massive number of views from Dec to Jan. Here's a tiny bit of the article, yes go through the link below.

Yesterday me and my friend went for a bite at Subway. I told my friend "I'll get them to put more on my sandwich".

How?...

Read the full article here:
7 Reasons Why You Should Talk to Strangers

Inspired by my article, Vasta wrote a great addition:
Three things you can give to strangers

If you like it, don't forget to Stumble/DiggThis!


Thanks

The Magic Pill

The Magic Pill, sounds great doesn’t it?

What if I told you I could hook you up to a perfectly working, safe machine where you could choose what areas of life you wanted to be successful in and how exactly you would be successful. You could download the correct software to your brain and you would be successful, would you take it?

Ever feel like you’re going to really change your life around when the New Year is near? I know I do. Whether it’s learning a new skill, taking up a new hobby or changing something in some way for the better. It’s natural and I feel this “New Year motivation” is great because tons of other people are doing it as well.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to be successful but I do know many who have excuses and limiting beliefs to why they can’t be.

As I’m writing this, it’s one month until 2008, New Year is just around the corner. In January the gyms will be packed full of people who are looking to ‘get in shape’ and for those who actually stick with something like getting in shape, great. The thing is, most of those newbies who just joined haven’t been exercising beforehand. By February most of them will have dropped out. These people do not want it bad enough, even if they say they do.

After people set goals, they either forget about them because they aren’t measuring them systematically or as soon as they encounter a problem or don’t see instant results they fall back into their comfortable old self they were before they inspired themselves to change.

The gym example is like people at school who don’t work in class, get distracted or whatever and when the exams come it’s like “oh sh*t” and you’ve gotta cram all that knowledge into your brain right before the test. Most people are exercising when they NEED to not BEFORE they need to. I’m guilty of stuff like this just as much as the next person, the difference is that I know true value and the goodies come from a lot of dedicated hard work.

What sounds best?

• Easy
• Instant changes
• Fast
• Notice the difference straight away!
• Quick

Or

• Hard work
• Long-term
• Incremental
• Tough
• Challenge

I’m sure all of you chose the first set. Now I said “what sounds best?” now ask “what sells best?”, you guessed it – The quick, easy and instant set.

Many companies are being misleading but this is marketing and their way of making money. Besides, who is going to invest in something which requires lots of hard work, time and effort?

The great thing about letting go of the Magic Pill mentality is that after all that hard work you put in, others notice the changes. You might notice them yourself but if it’s something like going to the gym it will be harder for you to realise how far you’ve come because we don’t really notice difference that happens gradually.

Tony Robbins has helped thousands achieve what they want, including celebrities. If there’s one person to learn from then it is this guy because he does know what he’s talking about, you can hear it in his voice.

The Magic Pill is knowing that it doesn’t exist.

Anyway, I wish you all an early (or late, depending on when you read this) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Good luck.

Kris

The Importance of Eye Contact

Two Ways You Can Communicate More Powerfully

People are more likely to trust your body language and actions than what you say. This isn’t a typical “have open body language, ask open ended questions” type of article. This article includes two major processes that most of us overlook or only notice in others.

We read and judge people on a day to day basis, even though a lot of you say you don’t. Are you going to take someone seriously when they are dressed up in a clown suit, that’s more extreme because I’m making a distinction. You could be the friendliest guy or girl on the planet but who’s going to listen if you’re wearing a balaclava?

More than one of my friends have said ‘I wasn’t nervous’ after doing public speaking when I asked them but when they were up you could blatantly see from the non-verbals that they were. It doesn’t make me think any less of them, it just distracts from their actual message. Actually do this now, smile at yourself in the mirror and say “I hate you”, feels unnatural right? You feel as if you are lying to yourself or joking.

People look more to your non-verbals to see whether you truly believe what you are communicating. Eye contact is a huge part of this and was my main focus of the article. Your eyes are the windows to your soul.

Now let me tell you about those precious eyes of yours.

Your eyes are an indication of your internal state. They project interest, fear, dominance, passion, joy, jealousy, curiosity and whatever else you can imagine. You see (ha-ha), if you learn to control your internal state, your externals (actions, body language) will naturally display this.

How freakin’ cool do you feel when you’re dressed up to the nines? Like for a super special occasion. I would guess that it’s much better than when you are in your pyjamas or usual clothes. If your eye contact is all over the place then improving it will make you feel as if you were “dressed up to the nines”, except this isn’t something you’re wearing. It’s something you are projecting from the essence of who you are.

Are you aware of your facial expression? What about 7 seconds ago? Because we usually only ever see other people, we forget ourselves, our own non-verbals just happen without our awareness.

It’s my idea that we are so routine-based that we would forget to be aware of our contact when walking down the street, at the shop or at a party. For most of us, the way we move our eyes is an unconscious behaviour. For whatever reasons, you could come across as shifty or nervous without knowing. So what would be a great, fun way to learn how to improve our eye contact? Wait for it…

EXER-EYE-SES!

The name is new, the game is old. You know – “The Staring Contest”. There are variations of it. One version would be no laughing, the other would be no blinking. I like to just do both. I find that they’re both just as difficult. Practice.

Get your friends to play this game with you. If you have no friends or are feeling ballsy then here’s a better idea… Go to a bar find someone and say “Staring contest, no blinking or laughing”, most people are cool and will play along and like the challenge, if they don’t then you win by default.

This isn’t just a fun mess about. Well actually it is but by doing this you are becoming conscious of your eye contact, no blinking and no laughing (self-control).

Nervous laughter

Ever been talking to someone and they just laugh at anything and everything you say? They aren’t laughing because you’re funny (sorry I had to break it to you this way) they are laughing because they feel social pressure, they want to keep the vibe going. The bad thing about it is that you consciously or unconsciously pick up on their “nervous laughter” and it lowers their perceived social value.

Do you do this? I have and used to do it a lot. Use the no laughing game to practice the self control. Don’t worry about focusing on whether you’re doing it right or not, the point of the game is to have fun. If you feel like telling your friends what your doing then tell them, if you don’t then that’s fine. Most people love these kind of games anyway. Just ‘em to practice.

If you keep winning at the game then focus on the fact you are now good and have great self control. You’re training your consciousness to remind you. You will soon find that your eye contact is powerful, you blink less and you aren’t staring because you know when it feels right to look away. If you think you look away too soon then hold it for longer.

Just by reading this article you have become aware of eye contact and nervous laughter, that’s great. How much more powerful do you see your communication being when these bad habits are eradicated?

How do you blink less? Practice keeping your eyes open for as long as you can fixed on one point.

The laughing game is probably my favourite because people will go to extraordinary lengths to make you laugh and it’s sometimes a real challenge. Anyone else who is around will want to play and even if they don’t they will enjoy watching.

Thanks for reading.

Please leave your thoughts, ideas and suggestions and questions.

Kris

55 Ways You Make People Like You Less

Vibing and The Social Slipper

Firstly you need to be aware of vibing even though you already vibe with people all the time.

What do you mean by VIBE?

Remember the time when you had the most fun or interesting conversation with someone? Likely, they enjoyed it as well. If so – that’s vibing!

Vibe: A distinctive emotional aura that is experienced instinctively.

It’s the energy in an interaction. Vibing is the way we interact with each other. We vibe to get bond and form stronger relationships with each other. Vibing is a natural process.

When you go out for a drink, you don’t just go out to specifically have a drink and then go home. You have a drink, gossip, joke around, catch up on commonalities and maybe go someplace else after. Going out with a friends basically shows how much you value each others friendship.

Think about it, why do people jump out of planes? It’s not so they can get to the ground. If they wanted to get to the ground then they could just fly back down and get out. They jump out for the feelings they get, the adrenaline rush, THE EXPERIENCE.

Anyways, what is this Social Slipper?

A social slipper is someone who makes slip ups socially and is unaware they are slipping up. He will try to create or keep rapport (mutual trust and understanding) in many different ways. The problem is people sense FAKE RAPPORT as opposed to RAPPORT THAT HAPPENS NATURALLY. We can get away with a hell of a lot of ‘social mistakes’ and be fine but the more screw ups you make, the more UNCOOL/FAKE you will seem.

Mr. Slipper will try maintaining rapport by doing things like over explaining himself or asking completely obvious questions and laughing when somebody expects them to laugh.

Ever listened to someone talking and begin to notice a pattern in how they talk, where you can predict the exact sentence they will say next?

Here are some common phrases:

• Basically
• You know
• At the end of the day
• To be honest
• Like
• Fuckin’

People have trademark words they use by habit, so it gets used to fill-the-silence in what they are saying while they gather information in their head. Also they tend to use it way too often and when people are aware of it, its very distracting. It would be more powerful to keep quiet, think and then respond.

I’m sure you already know this but how many times a day do you hear people filling in their MIND BLANKS with gibberish. The “umms” and “errrs” are pretty common.

Social unintelligence and social screw ups we tend to make (this is the 55 ways):

• Being completely logical in a social situation – We aren’t here to impress anyone with our intelligence
• Being concerned about being right or wrong about something – this is ego
• Take ages explaining something – The other person wants to get away or change topic
• Laugh at their own jokes when nobody else does – This is because they are feeling the pressure of everyone else and because nobody is laughing they try to ‘keep the vibe going’ by laughing and it makes them look stupid.
• Laugh at unfunny things – laughing for the release of social pressure
• Ask obvious questions they know the answer to
• Constantly look for things to be funny (listening to every word, looking for every mistake)
• Use lots of ‘umms’ and ‘errr’s…’ while talking
• Nod too much – giving too much approval
• Never nodding or showing any signs of acknowledgement
• Say ‘yeah’ or ‘right’ too much when someone is explaining something
• Saying please and thank you obsessively (Go to Subway and listen to the customer after the questions, it happens a lot)
• Don’t say please or thank you at all
• Remember excessive details about a person they just met and brings them up regularly – even days or weeks later
• Following what others are always doing
• Making excuses and rationalisations, defending yourself - who you are does not need to be defended
• Qualifying yourself to others
• Conforming to what everybody else is doing
• Always trying to be different
• Criticising people often
• Too much thinking – mental noise
• Try and come up with a perfect witty comeback
• Taking insults personally
• Taking something ambiguous the wrong way
• Speaking quietly, mumbling etc
• Hardly ever making any eye contact
• Making too much eye contact
• Letting people disrespect you by not sticking up for your self – know your values and boundaries
• Complaining
• Whining about things – instead of dealing with them or accepting
• Not deciding on something because others wont approve
• Never admitting you are wrong
• Admitting you are wrong just to keep the peace / apologising when it’s not your fault
• Supplicating to other people
• Overcompensating by trying to be better
• Not apologising when you are wrong
• Being happy for other peoples misfortunes / failures
• Putting your self worth on the responses of others
• Taking criticism and praise personally
• Letting people physically mess around with you
• Always agreeing
• Never agreeing
• Acting in a way where you’re a victim
• Answering stupid questions logically
• Answering all questions that people ask you
• Doing people favours when they wouldn’t do the same for you
• Making up drama, rumours
• Comparing yourself with others, if you’re perceived as better or worse – I.e. “I have a car and you don’t so I am better than you”
• Not doing anything because of what other people might think – “come dance”, “no, I’m ok” etc
• Making sure everything you say is completely correct
• Focusing on the negative
• Not speaking up when something is not right
• Not asking for help
• Using lots of self deprecating humour
• Button pushing – Doing things purely to get a reaction

Because much of this happens unconsciously its hard to stop.

How can you not do something if you don’t know you’re doing it?

Just choose a couple of things to focus on when interacting with people. First you realise when you do it and then you can work on changing it and brush up your communication skills.

I do some of this myself, I write this article from observing and experience. Thanks for reading, I hope it was useful for you.

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Kris